What Happens If I’ve Already Had Pre-Marital Sex?

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We should make a very distinctive note here about if you’ve experienced sex outside of your consent. Know that this is not your fault and that God will hold the person who has wronged you accountable, not you, for this terrible thing that has happened. 

As for those readers who have experienced consensual sex outside of a marriage, you may wonder what this means going forward. Even if you intend to put an end to sexual relations with your fiance or fiancee prior to marriage, should you take additional steps? 

Here are some possible steps to take going forward.

Consult a premarital counselor at your church.

Many churches have a premarital counselor on staff, or the pastor may have premarital duties. Discuss with them about how far you’ve taken the relationship, and about steps for reparation and restraint prior to marriage.

Discuss boundaries.

Once we’ve crossed a line, it’s difficult to take a step back, but discuss with your fiance or fiancee boundaries not to cross until your wedding night. Some of these boundaries may look like staying with a friend instead of living together to avoid temptation, for instance. If you’ve crossed a boundary with someone else prior to your relationship with your fiance or fiancee, be open and honest about your past.

Ask God for forgiveness and the will to resist temptation.

Seek forgiveness from God and ask him to guide you going forward. Scripture says if we resist the devil, he will flee from us (James 4:7). Pray that God can help steel you against the temptation of sleeping with your future husband or wife prior to marriage.

It may seem silly to make a big deal about sex before marriage, even after an engagement, but we do have to bear in mind that the first few years of marriage lay the foundation of our relationship. If we engage in the benefits of marriage without the commitment, we can cause a serious detriment to the foundation of that relationship, and the severance of that bond will be ever more painful.

However, if we have already broken the no-sex-before-marriage rule, we know that we have a God who forgives us and can help us repair our relationships. Trust him and his guidance.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

Hope Bolinger is a literary agent at C.Y.L.E. and a graduate of Taylor University’s professional writing program. More than 600 of her works have been featured in various publications ranging from Writer’s Digest to Keys for Kids. She has worked for various publishing companies, magazines, newspapers, and literary agencies and has edited the work of authors such as Jerry B. Jenkins and Michelle Medlock Adams. Her column “Hope’s Hacks,” tips and tricks to avoid writer’s block, reaches 6,000+ readers weekly and is featured monthly on Cyle Young’s blog. Her modern-day Daniel, Blaze, (Illuminate YA) Den (releasing July 2020), Dear Hero (releasing September 2020), and Dear Henchman (releasing 2021)  Find out more about her here.